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Content warning: rape, sexual assault.
The word ‘consent’ is often met with awkwardness, something that Amnesty’s latest student campaign #LetsTalkAboutYes is trying to change. We want to shift the cultural associations of consent from ambivalence to integral to having sex. We want young people to know their rights and move towards a culture where consent is explicitly sought after and when it is not given, sex is recognised as rape.
The fact that this is a European wide campaign stresses the importance of changing perceptions of consent not only in British culture but further afield. Regardless of geography, asking for a yes before sex needs to become a positive action and one associated with showing respect for your sexual partner(s) rather than an inconvenience.
In order to enact social and cultural change, it is key that we demystify consent – what it is, who it affects, why it is a gendered issue and, crucially, why it is so important.
Sexual Consent is:
Given Freely: Consent must be voluntary and a free choice for all parties involved. Silence, or skirting around saying ‘no’ is not the same as ‘yes’. Importantly, people who are unconscious and/or under the influence of alcohol and drugs cannot consent. This information is vital given the drinking culture at university; a drunk person cannot give consent because alcohol impairs your ability to make rational decisions. Sex cannot be consented to under coercion and intimidation either; people can often become manipulative or forceful whether drunk or sober.
Informed: Sex is not consensual if a person lies or deliberately hides their intentions. For example, consenting to protected sex, such as using a condom, is invalidated if that sex turns out to be unprotected. A person can only consent to a sexual act when they are fully informed. Therefore, getting someone too drunk to refuse sex or agree to certain practices does not qualify as getting valid consent.
Specific: Saying ‘yes’ to one sexual act (e.g. kissing) does not mean consenting to every sexual act (e.g. oral sex). A general rule is if in doubt, ask. If you are still in doubt, stop.
Reversible: Consent given once does not mean consenting forever. You can change your mind at any time and your decision is valid. At university, hooking up with someone once should not mean there is an expectation of a next time. You are also well within your rights to say ‘yes’ in the club and then change your mind when you get home.
Enthusiastic: Most importantly, asking for consent is a question that should not focus on whether a person explicitly says no, but whether they actively express ‘yes’ in a verbal or clear non-verbal way. Passive consent is not consent.
Still confused? This video uses the metaphor of drinking tea to explain consent perfectly.
What is rape?
The inverse of consensual sex is rape, there are no blurred lines. Rape is defined in the UK as the penetration of a penis into the vagina, anus or mouth without consent, whereas other offences without consent are broken down into assault by penetration (penetration into the vagina or anus with a foreign object or any body part other than the penis) and sexual assault (a sexual act of physical, psychological and emotional violation) (Sexual Offences Act 2003).
Who does consent affect?
Consent affects everyone, regardless of sexual drive or orientation. It is a powerful term, there to protect you and allow you to voice whether you wish to participate in a sexual act or not. Consent is important to everyone, however we must recognise that rape disproportionately affects women. Research done whilst the UK was part of the EU found that 1 in 20 women aged 15 and over have been raped, which is around 9 million women. 1 in 10 women aged 15 and over have experienced some form of sexual violence. To take a gender-neutral approach hides the specific experiences of an often-gendered crime.
The stereotype of the victim
Problematically, society, and often the law, judges whether rape is deemed ‘true’ or ‘valid’ based on if it fits a narrative of unwarranted and extreme violence.
Survivors are held to unattainable standards that are deeply misogynistic; they are wrongfully expected to take responsibility for their rape based on their clothing, outfit, body type, race, sexuality and level of intoxication at the time of the crime.
Harmful and widespread beliefs in Europe such as 1 in 5 people feeling that women often make up or exaggerate claims of abuse and 1 in 4 believing that sexual intercourse without consent may be justified in certain circumstances, such as if the victim is drunk, perpetuates the cycle of abuse by leading to low levels of reporting sexual crime.
Let’s be clear, rape is rape, regardless of the context. It is a violation of human rights and bodily integrity which does extensive physical, psychological and emotional damage. There is never a valid reason to have nonconsensual sex with someone; no one deserves or chooses to be raped and the only person that is guilty of the rape is the rapist.
The stereotype of the rapist
A big myth surrounding rape is that victims do not know their perpetrators. Women particularly are taught to be mindful of strangers when walking home at night. Whilst random sexual attacks do happen, nine times out of ten women are raped by someone they know.
Overcoming the patriarchal myth that rapists can only be violent strangers is key to understanding that rape is often a crime about privilege and power. Rapists are often acquaintances, friends, colleagues, partners and ex-partners. They are capable of being charming, polite and kind; they can appear to be upstanding members of society. And yet, if they instigate nonconsensual sex, they too fit the definition of a rapist. Society needs to get comfortable with using that term correctly and directing it towards men in positions of privilege.
A fear of not being believed is one of the main factors in women not reporting instances of rape. Whilst this is grounded in survivor-shaming, it is also inherently due to the disbelief that men of certain backgrounds are capable of rape. Movements such as #MeToo and #TimesUp are encouraging conversations around consent and societal attitudes are finally starting to shift.
How does the law come into it?
Unpicking the stereotypes of the victim and the perpetrator are key to understanding why legal definitions of rape are so important to influencing the way society sees rape.
According to research conducted by Amnesty International on 31 European countries, only 9, including the UK, clearly define rape as based on the absence of consent. Changing legislation away from defining rape by use or threat of force is key to moving away from outdated stereotypes.
It is important to note that new legislation will not stop rape from happening. It will, however, help to ensure a cultural shift in attitudes and allow more survivors of rape to seek justice through legal systems, which currently alienate them.
It is also key to stress that in countries where rape is defined by a lack of consent, consent is not always sought. This is why campaigns such as #LetsTalkAboutYes are so important; we need an active push for consent, rather than only a retrospective call for justice.
Whilst legal protection is key to everyone’s human rights, it also goes without saying that it is the survivor’s choice whether reporting the crime is the right decision for them. Currently, an empowered decision is often taken away from survivors due to a lack of appropriate legislation, support and the shame around rape and sexual assault. Those who do report, often do so several weeks, months or even years after and are faced with trials which put the survivor through as much, if not more, scrutiny than the accused perpetrator.
What you can do
With this in mind, it is vital continue to spread awareness on the importance of consent, not only to normalise seeking a ‘yes’ before sex, but also to place blame back onto the perpetrators that did not.
As an individual, if you do one thing today, start a conversation about consent and most importantly, #LetsTalkAboutYes.
Amnesty International and The Eyes Journal do not assume any responsibility for actions or non-actions taken by people who have read this article, and no one shall be entitled to a claim for detrimental reliance on any information provided or expressed.
Where to get Help:
Resources on Rape and Sexual Assault:
Durham University Specific Resources
Educational Resources on Consent:
https://lgbt.foundation/news/chemsex-and-consent/228 https://megjohnandjustin.com/sex/7-tips-consensual-hook-up/
Author: Eden Szymura
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